Cougar a guide for older women dating younger men great expectations dating service complaints houston
At 62, and with five marriages behind her, The Toronto Sun's relationship columnist exudes a frank and friendly sexuality that she is, if anything, quite proud of. "Because I'm quite a bit older than that age group. So older women are coming to the conclusion: if it works for them, it works for us. I think the cougars often are much more youthful than their age group. You're now at the Toronto Sun and your beat is relationships? It was the first newspaper column in Canada to do sex and relationships by a woman. Because my book came out, the old one [Younger Men: How to Find Them, Date Them, Mate Them & Marry Them] had been out for a while. Have they been approached by a young man absolutely determined to get you into bed? They have a list and they say: Why can't I have all those good things? sometimes it's the most unlikely person that is the perfect person for you. Whereas I've long [since] moved on into at least three more careers or whatever.
I tend to say I'm an older cougar teaching younger cougars the tricks." Linda Richards: When I saw the title of your book I laughed and I thought it was fun, but the term "cougar" hasn't always been meant in such flattering terms. They are very vital and very active and very sensual and they tend to have groups of friends that are younger and their minds work better with younger. In fact, I don't think any paper had ever allowed anything other than Ann Landers' advice. Which shook up my editor-in-chief horribly at the time. I was fashion editor at The Sun for 12 years and my editor-in-chief said to me: What are you doing writing fashion? Until recently there were really only three women sex columnists in the whole of North America. Have they been in a threesome at some point in their wild life? And the answer was no: they're doing everything from books. The men, everybody is caught up on the movies and everything, they all want a gorgeous gal that looks like this and that even though they may not in a million years be able to do that. One could argue that, five marriages in, you would seem to be an unlikely advocate for relationships. [Laughs] But yes, some people say to me: Well, what would you know about marriage because you hop in and out of them? I've learned a lot from it and I intend to give compassionate advice based on the knowledge that I remember when I did this and it went wrong. I'm always developing: not necessarily growing, but developing into something else and trying something else. I love their conversation and I love their little macho ways and I just love all that. Today, I think, [young] women don't like men: they like their girlfriends better. It's easier, it's not so stressful, they don't have to be this, that or the other. Because friendship is an asexual thing: it's neither male nor female. You can have a great friendship with a girlfriend and you can have a great friendship with a male but with a male sometimes at some point there is something.
"That sounds almost as though it's some kind of crushing thing, which it isn't. And men have that, which was why Viagra was so well received. Most older men, if they're single at mid-life, are dating younger. And so the field of relationships narrows right down. But they really don't know what it's like to be out there getting involved in affairs or even being in a situation where they have to think about that or make choices in dating. But I find that sex and relationship advice [has] changed a lot. I get very passionate about things and maybe it burns down. But I'll tell him my best recipe, while looking him up and down. In the spirit of Sex and the City's Samantha Jones (pictured) a woman admitted she is drawn to younger men because they don't require as much commitment and she has 'complete control over the relationship''On his part, it's difficult falling for a woman who's past child-bearing age and then later on realising you do want children after all and it's not possible to have them with her,' Tracey points out.At first take Cougar: A Guide For Older Women Dating Younger Men seems frivolous and perhaps even sexist. An older woman does not usually want children; she's probably got a couple. Doesn't want to do it again and may not even want marriage. -- than there is on this subject: older women dating younger men. They have everything: they have experience, they have knowledge, sophistication, they've learned so much, sexual skills particularly, when it comes to younger men. One of [the things I hear most in letters] is from guys who fear being rejected and they hate rejection. Dating includes rejection at every level, every age group no matter how beautiful you are. I've done my bit for marriage and the wedding cake business and all, I've done my bit. What I want now is someone who is supportive and can live with a media gal like myself. I'm out there on TV and doing many things and a lot of guys get competitive about that. It's a different lifestyle from the old days when they were encouraged -- older women -- to get to a certain point and then knit booties for their grandkids: Just disappear, please. My last husband -- my fifth husband -- was 14 years younger and it was a great relationship. It didn't break up for anything to do with sexuality or my age or anything. And look at the whole condemnation of society on that. Particularly the baby boomers are not going to disappear. His job took him to New York and I couldn't go and we tried long distance. And, in fact, the relationship between an older woman and a younger man breaks up generally at her behest because she decides. Good sex and great relationships are not anything to do with looks in the end. All right, I know about Diana and [Camilla] was the mistress and all of that, but even if it wasn't like that, they would still condemn her because they feel she looks like the back of a bus and she's old and why can't he have a nice [girl] like Diana? [Laughs] Men, particularly of older ages, have never liked the idea of older women being in control. The whole of society resents women -- especially older women -- who have a lot of control. Actually the reaction to the book has been younger men. I wrote a book 10 years ago on a similar subject and you'd think I'd written something about incest. [Laughs] You know, it's not a question that as you age you're of less value. Their attitudes are very stale and they're often jaded by life. [Laughs] Because I'm quite a bit older than that age group. And finally they let me write up dog shows and baby shows and funerals, you know. And it's no good giving a stock answer: What you're doing is wrong, therefore you should do this. And our experiences seem to change a great deal, but often don't very much at all. Humans don't change: they want to be cherished, they want to be loved. And also the problem is they expect it to happen like that [she snaps her fingers]. [Laughs] Well, hello: you're not going to be able to date Mel Gibson. And I know a lot about people and relationships because I went out there and did it. They're intelligent and they really have that essence of vitality about them. I'm sure some of our readers would want to know: Where are you meeting all these guys? I'm not sure that a lot of young women really like men. They want a home or they want a family or they want some money or they want a lifestyle. And men and relationships -- or getting relationships -- is a lot of work. Do your attitudes strain your relationships with other women? Funnily enough, and I don't know why it is, but I have as many women friends and fans as I do men, because I like women too. That you can [spend time] with a man you have no intention of having a relationship with or dating and have a lovely, lovely evening. Is there underlying sexuality always in a male/female relationship? I've told these women when they write and say: Well, I go out with my friends and we never meet guys. Go out with one friend or go out on your own and you'll meet whoever you like because they won't go into a group. It's about doing something in life, even if people condemn you for it or are against it. Well, for older women having relationships with younger men, oh yes. [Laughs] Because they don't want to have that die on them, if you'll pardon the expression. If she finds herself single, she hasn't got the field there. Ruth is kind of done from a doctor's point of view. And you've been married five times so you know all about that. I got into a lot of trouble -- an awful lot of trouble. [Laughs] All the houses, the cars, they could keep them and I just leave and move on. People today find they want to relate to [a columnist who is] real. They want someone who understands what they're going through. Hasn't read it in a chapter that says: After Divorce Emotions. Well, I think that what's changed is that -- possibly -- women want more out of a relationship. Or what happens, like in a lot of relationships, I grow into something else and I move into a different era but they don't. But if you feel it's right for you, you should do it." Gibson could be the poster girl for her book. Why not look further and have further dating options in different age groups? They don't often look in their own age group although I've seen that happening more. I'm kind of out of the age group, but still cougaring. She doesn't write from experience, let me tell you. Which has not been wise and that is not the North American way! Have they been through that and felt the angers themselves? They're not prepared anymore to marry someone just to be secure or just take anybody because they're a certain age or they're not pretty or this or that. When I look back on my five husbands -- or four [of the five] anyway, for sure -- they're all still in the same spot I left them in. Like, of course, the first time they go to bed: Well, when are we going to pick out the china pattern? Whereas it might have started out as a bit of a derogatory term, it isn't at all. I've lived all over Europe and I ended up in the Channel Islands, just off the North coast of France, and from there came to Canada. [Laughs] And: How would you like to meet my parents? I think the women like it: they love that kind of sleek, animal, predatory, in control of their life kind of image: I'm in control of all of this. They are generally very well dressed, very well put together and fit. And that's a long-term relationship: [Kurt Russell] is 15 years younger than her. Just one of those things: the British are like that.